Beef patties, taco meat, oozing bacon cheddar sauce, and layers of GREASE lighting! Nothing basic ’bout this. Brought to life by our BFF @paullywhirl

“This is the ULTIMATE Fiesta Jack, which came into existence from a combination of late night munchies and friendly competition. It started with a #Basic Fiesta Jack, which consisted of two tacos and a fried chicken patty. The next night, a friend raised the stakes by sandwiching a Sourdough Jack between two tacos, dubbing it the Sourdough Fiesta Jack Supreme. Not to be outdone, I created the ULTIMATE Fiesta Jack by alternately layering three tacos with two patties from an Ultimate Cheeseburger and an order of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges. Yes, it was delicious. It was especially excellent when smothered with taco sauce. Totally worth a morning of the bubble guts”

Remember TAG your Instagram photos with #GlutLife to get featured on the site. Peace!

I always had a fascination with hood drinks. From walking down alleys on E. Grand Ave. as a kid, finding empty 40 oz. bottles and chunkin’ them at walls, to ordering my first Incredible Hulk at Club Blue, CRUNK juices sets the pace for any night out. It’s time to give back to the hood what I so excessively guzzled away. Trap Champagne a.k.a. T-Pain, is a celebratory drink for all of life’s STRUGGLES.

Kool-aid simple syrup should be at hands reach at errry bar.  I mean could you imagine your childhood fav flavor enhancing cocktails. Tongues telling no lies; grape, cherry, lemon-lime, orange.

1/2 cup water

1/2 cup sugar

3/4 a packet of Kool-Aid Cherry

In a small pot, boil the water then add slowly add the sugar while whisking. Turn off the heat and continue to stir until the sugar dissolves. Then add the Kool-Aid and stir until dissolved. Set aside to cool.

Kosher Dill pickles for a un-Kosher practice. These spears bring this drink the prefect amount of sourness, saving it from being called a “fruity drink”. Cut into 1/4 in. pieces so they can continue their journey as a TRAP STAR.

It’s time to get trappy mane. With the remaining Kool-Aid, portion the powder so that it can be rolled with the pickle slices.

Amex Black cards = cocaine. Public library cards = Kool-Aid. Gotta’ craw before you baaaalllll

Time to dust your pickle. As soon as it hits the dry powder, it will transform to vivid red like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I suggest that once rolled, you should let it rest so that the powder can work it’s magic through the spear. You might of seen something like this where full-sour pickle are brined in a Kool-Aid bath. Thank you M.I.crooked letter crooked letter I. crooked letter crooked letter I. hump-back hump-back I

Tell-tale signs of an addict. Beware of the effects of a heavy user. Your finger tips will be stained the color of the Kool-Aid, sooooo better use some protection.

Dom Perignon, your vintage is never too old to try something new! Pour chilled bubblies into a chilled champagne flute. Add 1/4 oz of pickle juice then 1/2 oz of Kool-Aid simple syrup. Watch how the sizzurp transforms this drank. Are you fiending now?

Finish off the glass with a chunk of Kool-Aid pickle as a garnish. At first sip, the champagne brut comes through then you are slowly introduced to the brininess, but not too sour, of pickle juice. At last, a sweet sour send off of cherry Kool-Aid as you finish off the glass.

So let’s all raise a glass to the ass-holes, let’s all toast to Poppin’ bottle, put supermodels in cabs, and let’s all agree that ‘May all our pain be champagne’. Jeezey and Gucci Mane, ya’ll squash the beef and pour it up over some Trap Champagne.

What’s really good my Glut Heads, its that MEAT N GREET time a year again… If you missed the first one you missed something EPIC. Ask anyone who was there or shoot, just take a look for yourself. IT WAS MEGA, and this year it will be even better. Pinky.

We’ll be kicking things off around 6pm at Studio 410 in the Bishop Arts District. Laaaadies, nails did, hair did, erthang did, cause nothing works up an appetite more.  Music will be handled by the homies, DJ Niro and DJ RudyStyles. Food? Yeah that’s what we do, we got you. JUST COME HUNGRY.  Drinks? Oh yeah we got that on lock too. don’t worry about it. JUST COME THIRSTY (literately and figuratively).

Remember, the sole reason we do this thing is because we want to give back to YOU, our readers. We owe you a huge THANK YOU. Without you guys we would just be two schmucks that like to eat, and because of that WE LOVE YA’. Plus we really want to meet everyone that has shown us some love.

If all goes to plan, the Weather will be breezy, Girls will be feeling sleazy, and GlutLife will be pouring up some patreezy.

SEE YOU THERE <3

So everyone knows by now that I have a love of all things fast food. So you can imagine how hyped I was last year when I heard that Taco Bell was introducing a taco with a shell made of Doritos. When I finally tried it I was severely disappointed. I wanted to like it sooooo much. So anyway a couple of weeks ago, Taco bell launched a Cool Ranch version of the shell and I decided it was time to give it another try.

So when I wrote the review on the nacho cheese Doritos taco I pretty much decided there was no other way to eat these thing than buzzed. So what did I do? Gave ZERO fucks and decided that I was going to get drunk inside a taco bell and eat these things the right way COMPLEXLY DRUNK.

Not many people know this but you can bring beers into Taco Bells. You just gotta be extra charming, find the perfect location, and make sure the right amount of ratchet employees work there.  My drinks of choice; Corona Familiar 32oz, a Modelo Especial 24oz, and a buuuuunch of Tequila shots before hand. I was trying to keep a Messican theme going, you dig.

Ok onto the “review” of these bad boys. first off, they are WAY better than the nacho cheese flavor. But when you think about it, ins’t that like saying Miley Cyrus is a better singer than Rebecca Black? At the end of day they are both garbage. Taste wise you can definitely taste that zest of the Cool Ranch. It actually paired really well with the Beers. I added a own squirt of lime for some add punch. It worked. I’m not really sure what my beef is with the Nacho Cheese Flavor, but it still tasted gross to me. kinda like a dusty stale chip. ewww.

By my 4th taco I was feeling REALLY REALLY GOOD and decided that the normal Taco Bell menu wasn’t cutting it and I decided that I could do better. So I got Berrnie Mac’s sister to make me a custom taco supreme using EVERY SHELL Taco Bell has to offer.
It. Was. AMAZING.

BIG shout out to my boo’s over at the Taco Bell that let me get drunk and allow me to order this thing.

Ya’ll some good people.

Ok so I dont know about the rest of you guys, but Hot Cheetos have pretty much RULED my life since they came out. I seriously dont know what I’d do if they stopped making these things.  This is how bad things can get… Back in 2004 I moved to Brooklyn, and not many people know this but back then you couldn’t find Hot Cheetos up there. I had to beg my grandma to ship to me about once a week so I could get my fix. LOVE.YOU.GMA.

The idea for this post was pretty simple, folks…. I like fried Cheese, I like Hot Cheetos, Let’s combine the two and make some MAAAAAAGIC… Hot Cheetos crusted fried mozzarella sticks.

Ok first things first, ingredients .

• $.99 Bag of Hot Cheetos, easy.(1 cup)
• Brick of mozzarella chz, easy.
• Panko Bread Crumbs, easy.(1 cup)
• 2 eggs, easy.
• Tabasco, easy.(how ever much you can take)

Pretty simple stuff. Now lets get to steps:
The first thing you want to do is to get your brick of mozzarella cheese and cut dem sticks to size. By the time we finished it looked like we had a lil’mozzarella Stonehenge going on.

Then Throw pretty much the entire bag of Hot Cheetos into a food processor and chop chop chop, chop it up. Once you’ve got it into crumbs, mix with the Panko in a 50/50 ratio  if you can dig the heat go 70/30.

Ok, now time to get it coated. Hope y’alls dont like gettin’ kinda messy cause this egg wash mess doesnt play. What you wanna do is go Cheese – Egg Wash – Panko & Hot Cheetos -  Egg Wash – Panko & Hot Cheetos.

Ohhhhhh yeh, I guess it would help if I  told ya’ goons  how to make our egg wash.

• Crack two egg, place them into a bowl.
• Add a couple of dashes of Tabasco and scramble the hell out of them.
• That’s it. You’ve just made an egg wash. Congrats.

Ok time to get things a’cooking. You wanna fill your pan/pot/bucket/whatever you got about half way up and the heat up on your oil to  around 350 degrees Fahrenheit. With a pair of tongs place the sticks into the oil. Careful doe, with that hot oil You don’t wanna end up like ol’boy from RoboCop.

When they start floating and or 60 seconds comes up time to flip those birds and turn them over. Do the same thing on the other side and let them rest on a paper towel to soak up all that nassty. They should be all stringy and nice looking like the photo below. Don’t eat too many or it will make your poop hard. #truestory

What does Detlef Schrempf, Dalat Vietnam, Dalat Restaurant all have in common?…East Germany, Far East, East Dallas? To tell you the truth, I don’t even know were I was going with that, just wanted a reason to use the name “Detlef Schrempf” in a post! All stupid drunk talk aside, when I stumbled into this place after a night of drinking, I thought, ‘damn, did I just find a place that serves Pho till 2 in da mornin’. After letting egg noodles soak up hours of craft beers, I made a mental note to come back during the light of day to properly introduce my taste buds.

There are things I eat during certain times of year because they remind me of what a season is all about. Missing summer, feeling like I’ll be gone till November, these Spring rolls got me sprung on it’s freshness, crispness, and clean flavors.  A few things though, they were over stuffed with greens. I would rather they be less packed, tad more chicken, and came with a lighter sauce. Peanut sauce with a dot of chile sauce is fine, but a vinegar based chile sauce would be a nicer option.

Deconstructed Beef Pho was the first thing on the menu that caught my eye. Without reading the description, my mind raced with ideas of an inventive dish straight out an episode of “Chopped”. What a let down when the dish came out, turns out it was just a fancy way of saying egg noodles “with broth on the side”.

The dry bowl however was pleasantly flavorful. The beef had a teriyaki type sauce and had a slight char that gave the succulent beef a nice texture. The bok choy was a little on the over wilted side but the lemongrass helped liven the dish back up.

Bo knows pho. Well hopefully he knows that it is one of Nam’s staple dishes found almost in every neighborhood. So when Fitzhugh Ave. finally got one of it’s very own, expectations were high. I’m all about flavor enhancers, so when ordering I opted for the “Dirty” pho which gave my bowl a shot of MSG and fat. When the bowl hit the table, I just stared at it like my first paycheck of the year after the new Social Security tax hike, something didn’t add up. Seeing the confused look on my face, the server came back to the table to tell me that there was a veggie bar where I could get all my fixins’.  The broth was surprisingly light and non-oily even after it got “Dirty”. The season beef melded with the broth giving it a depth that one seeks to drink on a cold day.

I wouldn’t call Datlat a Vietnamese restaurant, I would say it’s a restaurant that pays homage to Vietnamese cooking with a splash of influence of who is actually cooking in the kitchen. With dishes like VietMEX Tacos, DaLat Chili, and KHANHwiches, you are sure to find something on the menu that is unique. And anyways, are you really looking for 4 stars during the midnight hours or just something out of the ordinary to ease the next days hangover.

Strollin’ around a brightly fluorescent lit grocery store, a spotlight shined down from the ceiling on something at the far end of an aisle. Feeling like one of the three Wise men following the north star during Biblical times, I made the journey towards the light. What was I going to find when I reached my destination? Treasures? Little Baby Jesus? Wrong, I kneeled down and picked up the LAST box of Little Debbie’s Christmas Tree Cakes. Hallelujah. Angels started singing…

 I eat Debbies, I drink Shiner

at the same damn time

I was given the gift from a higher power of the last Little Debbie’s Christmas Tree Cakes of the season. With this gift, it deserves to be transformed and showcased. The Fried Xmas Tree ornaments is born.

For the Holiday beer batter you need:

• 1 – 12 oz Shiner Holiday Cheer
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup of sugar
• 1 tablespoon of salt
• 1 teaspoon of baking soda
• 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
• 1 egg

Mix all dry ingredients first then everything else. Mix in the Shiner at the end. Chill it. Heat 24 oz of canola oil to 350 degrees in a medium pot.

This season’s dark wheat brew from Shiner Brewery is the perfect choice for this batter. Its malty flavor still comes out along with the Texas peaches and roasted pecans. You better believe this is the drink choice for around the fire-pit this winter.

Time to prep the ornaments. We’re in the kitchen, put that sewing needle and yarn away and pull out the bamboo skewer and butcher’s twine. Grab the box of trees and start stabbing holes, running string through, and tie knots like a Las Vegas wedding chapel on 12/12/12.

The trees are now ready to bathe in the batter. Careful not to pull out the trees too quickly after they are coated, they might break at the holes because of the extra batter weight. Let the excess batter drip off.

This is were I get excited and start feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost! Slowly lower the beer-battered holiday ornament in the hot oil (a sentence I would have thought I would NEVER say). Oh man, the smell of this frying brought me back to State Fair days, passing by the Funnel cake stands. Fry each side less than a minute until golden brown. Remove fried goodness and let it drain any excess oil on a paper towel. Set aside to cool.

What’s the holidays without a family bonding activity? Have the kiddos (or drinking buddies) decorate the ornaments. Use festive icing, sprinkles, and powdered sugar. Make it a contest for the best looking ornaments. The loser get’s to spend Christmas in a corner…I kid, I kid.

Now this is a Xmas tree! The Glut Life tree got some fried ornaments around it, no fugazi. Finally biting into this piece of heaven on a string you will be filled with holiday cheer! The batter is crunchy on the outside and fluffy with hints of vanilla, cinnamon, and peach. (This would make a dope funnel cake BTW) The frosting on the Little Debbie is contained in the batter shell and the cake is warmed from the frying.

An angel might get his wings when a bell rings, but after he takes a bite of this he’s not gonna what to fly, just park and sip.

Oh… and Santa, we at the Glut Life made you a little som’n som’n. Tell the Misses to stop tha bitchin’, you gonna make it in a second. Beer battered chewy Chips Ahoy (leftover batter = excuse to fry anything)

What better way to leave the travel headaches of  Hurriacne Sandy than to be shipped back first class to the permanent headache… Reality. For those of you who have never had the chance to step through those curtains on the plane this one is for you. This is really the way to travel and if you have the means I highly suggest it. Welcome to the GoodLife.

I was going to make the first picture in this post of the hot towel they hand out, but decide not to go with it cause it looked truly disgusting, even for Glut Life standards. Soooo I went right to the standard alcohol picture. First Class is truly awesome, where else can you drink as much as you want at 8am and not be judged. I went with a classic gin a tonic and some hot nutz while I watched me some Parks and Rec. WiFi on the airplane, Thank You Based God.

Onto lunch, I had my choice of fish tacos or a buffalo chicken salad. I went the with salad for two reasons. First off, ewwww American Airlines fish tacos! GROSS. I can’t think of any other food that could of been more disgusting than eating an American Airlines fish taco. Secondly, with the massive amounts of horrible things that I had been putting in my body over the past week a salad was a welcome sight.

But you know I still had to keep it real and get my carbs on. I took that onion roll and did what I do best, made a sandwich. When life hands you carbs, MAKE A SANDWICH…. Worlds to live by.

They offered everyone wine with lunch… I was the only one in first class who took up the offer… 3 times… This was at 11am. The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. :-/

Ended the meal with a ever deliciously soft and warm double chocolate chip cookie and watched Moonrise Kingdom. Then went mimis… See you in Dallas. ✌

LAST NIGHT IN NYC! So what better way to end the trip than DuMont in Brooklyn. The first time I went to DuMont was in 2011, and the experience was awesome. I swear I remember the burger being one of the best I’ve ever had – Beef Juicy, Bacon Crunchy, Cheese Cheesy, it was like burger ambrosia. This time around… Not so much. So what went wrong? Keep reading cause its time we had a good rant.

So I started with cheese plate which was actually pretty decent. They were a lil’ stingy on the quince paste and gave waaaaay too much bread, but other than that it was pretty solid. It came with your standard barn yard hat-trick of three different types cheeses, each made from a different type of milk. A wedge of 3 month manchego (sheep), some fresh chevre (goat), and by far my personal fav, Pierre Robert (cow). Love me some triple-crèmes.

Okay so lets start this thing . I had anticipated dining at DuMont  the entire time I was visiting in BK to relive my Burgasm of 2011. I ordered EXACTLY what I had my first time (I don’t fix things that aren’t broke), The standard DuMont Burger with Blue Cheese, Bacon, and all the fixins. Oh and ‘xtra pickles, gotta have my pickles. While waiting for my order, flashbacks of biting into that burger with all it’s beautiful meat juices mixing with the tang from the blue and the crunchy saltiness of the bacon raced through my head. I NEEDED MY FIX. When server dropped off what I had been waiting to eat all year, I knew something was DEFINITELY wrong.

Just by looking at it made me emo. The burger looked like it had been hit with a shrink-ray and the “thick cut apple wood smoked bacon” had been replace by some of the shittiest paper-thin knockoff brand bacon i had ever seen. It was truly heart breaking. That’s not even the worst part. Biting into this burger hockey puck was horrible. It had been horribly over cooked. Totally unacceptable for a $20 burger.

This downgrade of product  is a prime example of how some restaurants hit their self-destruct button as soon as they open. Here is a super simple break down on how these type of places crash and burn within a year:

1. Open up shop. intentions are to become the new “it” place.
2. Produce quality food for a couple of months. Get ok write ups.
3. Decide they are the shit and invincible. Open another location/concept.
4. Forget all about quality and worry more about the $$$
5. Not Profit. Die.

And that’s soooo ok with me. Good riddance. Because from the get go their intentions weren’t on the food but more on the fame and the “it” factor. Anyway, I’m getting off topic, so imma sum it up by saying, “Dear DuMont I really thought you were better than that, please get your stuff together or you will die within 6months.” Bet.

Staying in Greenpoint wouldn’t be complete without a legit Polish meal. Now I don’t know about you, but before this dinner I thought the Polish diet only consisted of sausage, cabbage, and lots and lots of vodka. My Brooklyn hostesses wanted to break my stereotyping brain, so they took me to Krolewskie Jadlo aka “The Kings Feast” for something called the Meat Boat. My GOD, why didn’t anyone tell me the Poles know how to get down like this. This stuff was REDIC.

We started the dinner with Ukrainian Borscht (beet soup) White Borscht, and butter drenched mashed potatoes with bacon. The Ukrainian borscht was ight,  but the White Borscht took things to a whole other level.

The best way to describe white borscht is hotdog soup. I know that may sound a little gross but TRUST it was wildly tasty.  It had slices of polish sausage and  yeah…Whole. Boiled. Eggs. floating around in it. This stuff was insane. The soup was too Good. I need this again, STAT.

Any country that considers mash potatoes as an app is cool with me. Add bacon into the mix and you got me loving you, Poland.

These things are called Pierogies aka potato dumplings and are AMAZING. They come either fried or streamed…We got both. They were stuffed with a mix of sauerkraut, ground meat, and mushrooms aka Polish crack.

This hot mess of a plate was just that…A Hot Mess. Three piles of shredded, sour, vinegary veggies. Carrots,  Beets, and sauerkraut. Everything was good, but I need my MEAT.

Ok, onto the real reason I came here. THE MEAT BOAT. Now before you start fapping to this meat porn, this what you’re looking at: Sausage, Blood Sausage, Bacon, Pierogies, Hunter Stew, Grilled Pork, Grilled Chicken, Chicken and Pork Shish Kebabs.

This thing was no joke. if you are EVER in Greenpoint, find Krolewskie Jadlo and order the KORYTO (Meat Boat). It will make grown men cry. Poland, I’m sorry I judged you. You are now my favorite food country. <3