Why wait for someone to surprise you on Valentine’s Day with a bouquet of carnation bought at Kroger or a “home-cooked” meal by Hamburger Helper when you can just Treat-Yo-Self. Get ready to experience more self-love than a bottle of lotion and box of tissues.

$300 worth of French cheeses, two bottles of Veuve Clicquot Rosé ($75/each), and had world famous calligrapher, Ken Brown etch ‘The Glut Life’ into the bottles.

“Be that pretty mutha fucka, chompin’ on them cheeses, sippin’ on that Rosé, toastin’ to the Glut Life.”

Cheeses from the Jura region of France have a distinctive floral full-body taste. Abondance Fermier, Affiné des Cimes, and Comté AOP are perfect with sopressata hot, Hungarian salami, Molinari salametti, mortadella with pistachio, and estonska.

Brittat Savarin with black truffle is on that next level. This hand-made double cream soft bloomy cheese is THE panty dropper. I wouldn’t recommend bringing it to the bedroom though. Cheeses aren’t a perfect pairing between the sheets. Mini Brillats rolled in papaya or cranberry is an excellent pairing with Veuve Clicquot Rosé.

Carre aux Herbes is packed with so much herbs that would make a Rasta’ ashamed and claim he’s Amish. This sucker is covered with rosemary, tarragon, and basil. I like fresh chévre, but the greens on this is a definite turn off. Pop a strawberry in your mouth when eating Gres D’Alsace. The wash rind can creep and linger like that pimpled face neighbor that’s always digging through your trash.